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How Paul Coughlin’s books
have helped others:

One of the best ways to understand just how common this problem is to both men and women is to read what people are saying across the world about these unique resources. These testimonies, found throughout each issue of Better Living Dispatch, our free newsletter, have helped many people realize that they are not alone with this problem.

These letters reveal incredible courage, fortitude, and new-found strength. We hope they fortify your resolve to battle the Nice Guy problem today. To read more, click on our past newsletters. To tell us what these books have done for you, email Paul at paul@christianniceguy.com

I have a son that is a Christian and many times he has said, "Why do they get away with that?" I try to help him be assertive without being rude. I would like to see the men in my family be men, who stand for the rights of others and understand that being nice is not always the right answer. --Cynthia

I stumbled across the article in this month's ChristianityToday.com,
and all I can say is PRAISE GOD.

My nice guy behavior has (in part) been KILLING my marriage, and my wife has retained a lawyer with the intentions of divorcing me because of that behavior, and the behavior resulting from growing up with a troubled mother and a dad who was a raging alcoholic. So, I adopted their behaviors without really knowing it.

I pray that God will heal my wife's wounds so that she doesn't divorce me. --Travis

The Christian Nice guy problem affects almost every area of my life. I own a company, but it runs me. I am married, but I am not respected or allowed to be the leader. I am a son, but I have always been told I am not worthy and my opinion doesn't count. I am a friend, but I don't want to hurt feelings and have trouble maintaining long term friendships with male friends. I am a Christian, but I don't always stand up for Christ and I cringe at the thought of conflict over my beliefs.

We're attending a church of about 800. The church is more than 100 years old and is full of "nice" Christians. The church is slowly
dying of boredom and complacency. I talked with the pastor and asked him what he would do if he had a dozen "dangerous Christians" at our church. He said that if he didn't get more "dangerous Christians" soon our church wouldn't last much longer.
--Gregg

The Christian Nice Guy problem matters to me because I can see the results in the American Church today. As a pastor I'm concerned that men are not being the leaders they need to be. The church has become feminized in so many areas. Men need to start being men in the image of God. I will continue to pray for your ministry. --Pastor Tim

Then I read your bio and saw that you grew up with an abusive mother and I almost fell off my chair. Finally I found someone who can feel my pain, someone who can identify with me and what I am dealing with. I have been living based on fear of not being loved. I have been living a shame-based life. This book is changing my life. --Jeff

Thanks to your ministry. I was married once to a Nice Guy. I couldn't deal with it back then due to lack of understanding and help. I lost hope. I wish this information had been available to me back then! --Linda

You are an answer to prayer! In the last six months I have lost a job and a girlfriend whom I planned on marrying. Needless to say my life is not working out and I had to step back and take a look at what I was doing wrong. I have been a nice guy all my life. Don't rock the boat, don't take any risks, don't offend anyone, do what others want. I truly felt like I was watching life go by. I heard about your book and immediately ran over to B&N and bought it.

I was introduced to your book as a gift from my wife. Now I realize how selfish, afraid, terribly nice I have been. My wife was my number one victim. At 55 years old and married for all most 30 years I am eager to get started and save my wife and family from further abuse. Thanks--Randy

Your book changed the way I look at life and has completely re- energized my relationship with God. It has been an absolute blessing on a magnitude I've rarely known before. --Trevor

Brother Paul, God has given you something special. I have been struggling with the "disease to please" all my life. Get ready, God is going to breath on the ear of many through your book. -- Sharon

Your book is stimulating and timely. As a psychologist and a CNG myself who is breaking out of the mold, I also struggle to find Christ's passion in a world that has little passion for anything worth its salt. I work with men and I think the crisis of male identity you outline is very real. I think every man should read this book--Christian or not.

Your book pinpointed the confusion I had with my life and thank you for sharing and revealing the real problem I was facing and what the church refuses to acknowledge. -- Boon, Singapore

As a two-year veterans of the Wild at Heart wars (the turmoil that inevitably occurs when a man begins to reclaim his heart), I was impressed by your book's specific critiques. Having grown up in the church, I was Christian Nice Guyed to the hilt. Almost. It's good to know they were not only wrong, but actually being used by the enemy in their attempts to suffocate and geld my heart. Thanks again for an awesome book. -- David

I am a Christian nice guy. I have to admit it. Before getting married women always commented on how 'nice' I was. I didn't always take it as a compliment, as it meant I was safe, like one of their girlfriends. Now I've been married for 6 1/2 years to a wonderful Christian woman, a great mother to our two children, and my nice-ness is killing her. I'm passive, afraid and inside I feel like a little boy. I'm afraid to confront, I lie, I hide and - perhaps worst of all - I just keep smiling through it all. The walls I have built to protect myself from the pain, of which a nice facade was an essential part, have left me isolated and alone. I long to be a good man and not a nice one. God is doing good things, breaking down the walls, but it is hard work and painful for me and my wife and all those around me. The 'nice guy' option is a poison in my life and in the life of the Church. I'm glad it's being recognized at last. No more nice-ness. --Dan, England

Thank you and praise God for your wisdom and courage. Now I finally have a reference to back up what I knew the Bible said about the real Christ. He is dynamic, full of life, and is the example that CNGs need to follow. -- Alex, Australia

My men's group is reading your book and we're really starting to see how being "nice" makes us sick. The more I watch and listen to the world, the more determined I become. My heart at times breaks. I am amazed at how hard my wife, and other mothers, will hold so tightly to their sons, and when I point it out, her head and words say she knows and understands, but you can tell her heart is saying "NO WAY"! My prayers are with you my brother. The fight is fierce, and the enemy is wanting to take you down. I and many of my friends have prayed for you; stay strong, stay focused. --Bob

Bravo Mr. Coughlin. I'm not married to a CNG. Instead I'm married to one of the most fascinating, loving, frustrating, courageous and interesting MEN I know. He's the father of two fine manly sons who challenge the men in their church toward manhood. I sent an e-letter to a bunch of friends recommending your book. -- Debbie USA

Other people label him as the perfect husband. No joke. My friends and family say this all the time. But they don't see what he does or doesn't do behind the scenes. He gets so upset when I talk about the importance of assertiveness, purpose, ambition, and accountability or relationship with people. In eight years I've seen him foster maybe one friendship. In fact, he has had other men confront him on his passivity. Then I get to deal with his rage afterward.

His passivity has now come to a place of pride that I can't even begin to confront. I don't know at this point what will happen in this marriage but you have given me hope that I'm not alone. I long for my husband to be the man that I really know that he is! Thank you for breaking the mold and changing the lives of those around you. I would appreciate any prayer. --Carla

After reading the article in Today's Christian Woman I thought..."Thank God I'm not crazy." I've been married for almost 5 years to my sweetheart, who at one point in my life was my hero. His laughs, and laid-back personality attracted me at first. But now I'm separated and contemplating divorce. I've spent endless nights crying over what I've come to see as my Nice Husband who everyone loves, but I can't stand anymore. It started out with unpaid bills and getting suckered by false collections and TV scams. Then he didn't finish college after changing majors three times due to indecision and unwillingness to set goals. He often said that setting goals just sets you up for failure. Then he worked for crooks and wouldn't confront them.

I'm developing a bold flavor in my life. As you point out, I realize that I am the lion and the lamb, like our holy Lord Jesus. The lion has been subdued for too long. --Richard

God is working in my life and it feels good. I thank Him daily for writers like yourself who are commited to God's Work. --Jeff, England

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Personal Testimonies | PaulCoughlin.net

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How Paul Coughlin’s books
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Personal Testimonies | PaulCoughlin.net

Audio / Video

Related Links

Anti-Bullying Articles

How Paul Coughlin’s books have helped others:

How Paul Coughlin’s books
have helped others: